Anakosha
Integrating sex and spirituality in the lifestyle
Unrealistic Expectations
Because today's sexual culture has grown so fast overnight, it has cultivated a generation of unrealistic expectations. There is an illusion being perpetrated on everyone surfing the Net that a world of free sex lives out there. It raises false hopes and stimulates pushiness, superficiality and other negative traits in people. The intelligent and sincere seeker with high morals is bombarded by an avalanche of disinformation. What is promised on the Internet is not practical. Badly need is some educational groundwork.
Because my husband and I post parties and host parties for the over 50 crowd - 50's through 80's - younger couples have asked us if we could help them meet couples more their own age. We have discussed this and have decided that we would not host a party for a new group of couples - younger couples - without first sitting down and talking with them. An introductory seminar is the only way we would consider hosting a gathering of couples who are total strangers.
A seminar on swinging would actually be a really good first step for a local group of couples to meet. But first, we need to strip away the hot steamy flesh that has glazed over the eyes of the uninformed. The first meeting would be discussion only. Like a meet and greet social, but with some education thrown in. The internet has done a good job of raising false flags, like, "You don't need a seminar to teach you about sex!"
And of course, that's true. You know all there is to know (you think) about your own sex life and theoretically about your partner's sex life. But, presuming that's true, you don't know about the sex lives of the strangers you will meet in the lifestyle. And do you know the unspoken rules of etiquette and behavior that swinging is founded upon?
Years ago my late husband and I hosted an all-day 8-hour seminar on swinging for purposes of talking only. At one point the girls separated out from the guys to talk girl talk and the boys, boy talk. The girls loved it but the boys didn't but the girls solidified the group because they were comfortable. After a couple finished the seminar, left the house and went on to other parties they found other people acting pushy, drunk, disorderly, jealous, unkempt - all of the worse behaviors you would not want to meet in swinging.
So they started calling us and asking us if we would host a party just for seminar graduates so they could meet some nice couples, because what we had taught them about etiquette was not to be found in other clubs. Long story short, we did host a party for the seminar graduates. We did not even invite our best swinging friends because they had not attended the seminar. Our graduate club was called Club Sensitivity, and we ended up hosting parties every weekend of the month. There were slightly over 200 close-knit, trusting, friendly member couples 12 years later when my husband died and the club closed. All of them had past the crucial "did you?' test.
When someone browses the internet and turns himself on by all the skin, glitter and wild fantasy projections that are promised, it may be a fun way to spend an evening but it's unrealistic. It is temptation with a capital "T" and it goes beyond reason. First of all, swinging is not a single man's game, it is for couples. Secondly, it's not that easy because if you are a couple, women are more sane than men when it comes to selecting a sex partner. Women need time to get to know the people first. Feminine scanning is sixth sense technology. They need comfortable parameters, more practical approaches, more integrated energy. There is a feminine psychology at work in swinging and women are the filters.
Now, just in case you say "Oh, no! My wife is hornier than I can keep up with. She does not need any comfortable parameters." I get this remark often from men. But I've come to know many women (and their men) in swinging over the years. When they get together with strangers, the difference between women and men stands out like a sore thumb. You don't know what is going to happen. You cannot anticipate. She may have an extraordinary sex drive at home, but you have no clue what she will be like when the rubber hits the road, as they say (eye twinkle!).
There is a code of chemistry, a code of ethics, a code of reason, a code of morals and principles that need to be factored in. Then you have to consider the boundaries of the others who are present. There must be agreed-upon parameters in any group. Being sensitive to the fears and issues that other people articulate is a must, but you don't know what those fears and parameters are until you talk with them. After that, a party can be joyfully fun among people who trust each other.
Let me know if you would like to be put on an "interested" list, which is not set in concrete but just to receive notices and updates. This is for couples in their 20's, 30's and 40's, who are in monogamous relationships or couples who may not be quite monogamous but who are close enough to attend a potential swing group together. No singles who are married and cheating without a note from home. Both men and women will need to sign a privacy agreement and be available for a telephone call. When actually attending an in-person gathering, we will probably ask to see drivers licenses since this is an underground activity, and there are more liars out there than truth-speakers. We have had some deception in the past. We are responsible people and we seek responsible and accountable people in return.
We have long-time experience in the lifestyle hosting parties and giving educational seminars. We know people from inside the sexual arena, up close and personal. Swinging is a wonderful activity when people are honest and sincere. They are then above reproach and above the seediness that is portrayed by those who do not have the same high standards. They are also above shame and guilt when there is love for one's partner and you are doing this together.
Swinging is real. It is safe. It is honest. While it starts out as a couples recreational sport, select single friends may get invited by a couple from time to time privately, but seldom to a couples party.
Couples of any age who are seeking to expand their intimacy experiences to include others, should have some mentoring first to raise their consciousness to a higher level - higher than the seediness that is prevalent in the media, in Hollywood, and on the Internet. It should be comfortable for both of them, especially for the woman. I don't like to say this, but I see that swinging is uncomfortable for most couples when they first arrive. It is important to listen and learn and set your own reasonable standards and stick to those standards in the future. Those who don't want a higher standard will fall away from you like water on a duck, instead of you trying to fit into somebody else's mold.
It's not for ourselves that we offer this, but to help couples who are younger than us by one or two or perhaps even three generations. (Let's see, ummm, yes, it is possible 3 generations (smile!) It would please us to be able to mentor couples in their sexual enlightenment and expansion process. Sex is a bridge to higher consciousness, you know. It opens doors to other dimensional when there is kindness and sensitivity and loving intent. It is not just physical. It is loving, friendly, open, fun, stimulating and close, while at the same time it is not cheating and not dangerous to your relationship. Which reminds me, I received another nice letter from a couple the other day. I will share it.
To: Diana Your timing is amazing. What a wonderful resource that book is. It put K and I in the perfect state of mind going into a night at the Rooftop Inn in Hollywood last night. Certainly our best experience yet. Thank you so much. All our love to you and Brian.
He is referring to a book which is posted on this website, "Swinging With Safety, the code of etiquette for couples sexual sharing" This book was written by my late husband with some do-overs by me. It has not been published anywhere else.
Because today's sexual culture has grown so fast overnight, it has cultivated a generation of unrealistic expectations. There is an illusion being perpetrated on everyone surfing the Net that a world of free sex lives out there. It raises false hopes and stimulates pushiness, superficiality and other negative traits in people. The intelligent and sincere seeker with high morals is bombarded by an avalanche of disinformation. What is promised on the Internet is not practical. Badly need is some educational groundwork.
Because my husband and I post parties and host parties for the over 50 crowd - 50's through 80's - younger couples have asked us if we could help them meet couples more their own age. We have discussed this and have decided that we would not host a party for a new group of couples - younger couples - without first sitting down and talking with them. An introductory seminar is the only way we would consider hosting a gathering of couples who are total strangers.
A seminar on swinging would actually be a really good first step for a local group of couples to meet. But first, we need to strip away the hot steamy flesh that has glazed over the eyes of the uninformed. The first meeting would be discussion only. Like a meet and greet social, but with some education thrown in. The internet has done a good job of raising false flags, like, "You don't need a seminar to teach you about sex!"
And of course, that's true. You know all there is to know (you think) about your own sex life and theoretically about your partner's sex life. But, presuming that's true, you don't know about the sex lives of the strangers you will meet in the lifestyle. And do you know the unspoken rules of etiquette and behavior that swinging is founded upon?
Years ago my late husband and I hosted an all-day 8-hour seminar on swinging for purposes of talking only. At one point the girls separated out from the guys to talk girl talk and the boys, boy talk. The girls loved it but the boys didn't but the girls solidified the group because they were comfortable. After a couple finished the seminar, left the house and went on to other parties they found other people acting pushy, drunk, disorderly, jealous, unkempt - all of the worse behaviors you would not want to meet in swinging.
So they started calling us and asking us if we would host a party just for seminar graduates so they could meet some nice couples, because what we had taught them about etiquette was not to be found in other clubs. Long story short, we did host a party for the seminar graduates. We did not even invite our best swinging friends because they had not attended the seminar. Our graduate club was called Club Sensitivity, and we ended up hosting parties every weekend of the month. There were slightly over 200 close-knit, trusting, friendly member couples 12 years later when my husband died and the club closed. All of them had past the crucial "did you?' test.
When someone browses the internet and turns himself on by all the skin, glitter and wild fantasy projections that are promised, it may be a fun way to spend an evening but it's unrealistic. It is temptation with a capital "T" and it goes beyond reason. First of all, swinging is not a single man's game, it is for couples. Secondly, it's not that easy because if you are a couple, women are more sane than men when it comes to selecting a sex partner. Women need time to get to know the people first. Feminine scanning is sixth sense technology. They need comfortable parameters, more practical approaches, more integrated energy. There is a feminine psychology at work in swinging and women are the filters.
Now, just in case you say "Oh, no! My wife is hornier than I can keep up with. She does not need any comfortable parameters." I get this remark often from men. But I've come to know many women (and their men) in swinging over the years. When they get together with strangers, the difference between women and men stands out like a sore thumb. You don't know what is going to happen. You cannot anticipate. She may have an extraordinary sex drive at home, but you have no clue what she will be like when the rubber hits the road, as they say (eye twinkle!).
There is a code of chemistry, a code of ethics, a code of reason, a code of morals and principles that need to be factored in. Then you have to consider the boundaries of the others who are present. There must be agreed-upon parameters in any group. Being sensitive to the fears and issues that other people articulate is a must, but you don't know what those fears and parameters are until you talk with them. After that, a party can be joyfully fun among people who trust each other.
Let me know if you would like to be put on an "interested" list, which is not set in concrete but just to receive notices and updates. This is for couples in their 20's, 30's and 40's, who are in monogamous relationships or couples who may not be quite monogamous but who are close enough to attend a potential swing group together. No singles who are married and cheating without a note from home. Both men and women will need to sign a privacy agreement and be available for a telephone call. When actually attending an in-person gathering, we will probably ask to see drivers licenses since this is an underground activity, and there are more liars out there than truth-speakers. We have had some deception in the past. We are responsible people and we seek responsible and accountable people in return.
We have long-time experience in the lifestyle hosting parties and giving educational seminars. We know people from inside the sexual arena, up close and personal. Swinging is a wonderful activity when people are honest and sincere. They are then above reproach and above the seediness that is portrayed by those who do not have the same high standards. They are also above shame and guilt when there is love for one's partner and you are doing this together.
Swinging is real. It is safe. It is honest. While it starts out as a couples recreational sport, select single friends may get invited by a couple from time to time privately, but seldom to a couples party.
Couples of any age who are seeking to expand their intimacy experiences to include others, should have some mentoring first to raise their consciousness to a higher level - higher than the seediness that is prevalent in the media, in Hollywood, and on the Internet. It should be comfortable for both of them, especially for the woman. I don't like to say this, but I see that swinging is uncomfortable for most couples when they first arrive. It is important to listen and learn and set your own reasonable standards and stick to those standards in the future. Those who don't want a higher standard will fall away from you like water on a duck, instead of you trying to fit into somebody else's mold.
It's not for ourselves that we offer this, but to help couples who are younger than us by one or two or perhaps even three generations. (Let's see, ummm, yes, it is possible 3 generations (smile!) It would please us to be able to mentor couples in their sexual enlightenment and expansion process. Sex is a bridge to higher consciousness, you know. It opens doors to other dimensional when there is kindness and sensitivity and loving intent. It is not just physical. It is loving, friendly, open, fun, stimulating and close, while at the same time it is not cheating and not dangerous to your relationship. Which reminds me, I received another nice letter from a couple the other day. I will share it.
To: Diana Your timing is amazing. What a wonderful resource that book is. It put K and I in the perfect state of mind going into a night at the Rooftop Inn in Hollywood last night. Certainly our best experience yet. Thank you so much. All our love to you and Brian.
He is referring to a book which is posted on this website, "Swinging With Safety, the code of etiquette for couples sexual sharing" This book was written by my late husband with some do-overs by me. It has not been published anywhere else.